So close, so far

Published 10 months ago -

During my advising meeting last week, I found out that I can graduate a semester early. And I sort of love that. No, I really love that.

Because one night, while reading The Bell Jar, I was suddenly struck by the revelation that I’m about to be a bonafide adult. And I sprawled out on my bed, looked around my single room and noticed just how many artifacts of the past 20 years of my life that I’ve collected that suddenly made me feel like a weight have been simultaneously put on and lifted off my shoulders. I’m so close to having a real job with a real apartment with real responsibilities and bills to pay and having to juggle all that with my very real and visceral emotions. It’s thrilling and heart-stopping. And I want it all right now.

Because for as long as I’m still an undergrad, I will feel like an adolescent, awkward growing pains and all. I still feel like I’m in a period of transition that hasn’t ended since I turned 13. I’m ready to live my best life, and maybe that’s based of totally untrue clichés, but either way, I’m ready to find out just what the rest of my life has in store.

I’m 100% sure that the years I’ve spent at Assumption are far from the best years of my life for a number of reasons, either having to do with my relationships with other people or my struggle with mental illness—which is a battle still far ahead me, still a slightly less frightening one. Still, I don’t regret the choices I’ve made that led me here. For every negative, there’s been a better positive that I wouldn’t have necessarily experienced had I not come here, and I wouldn’t trade those positives for the world.

So as I essentially become a senior (again?) with the start of spring semester, I think it’s time I look back at every great thing that’s happened to me in the last two and a half years here.

1. I fully accepted and embraced my sexuality.

2. I became the Arts & Entertainment Editor for the Provoc.

3. I started working at Starbucks, a job I love and will continue to have for the foreseeable future.

4. I met my boyfriend, who is without a doubt the single greatest person I have ever met.

5. I realized that my true calling is creative writing, not accounting.

6. I’m so proud of the art I’ve created, especially through my growth in my poetry.

7. I love myself (most of the time).



Luke Maguire, a junior, studies English. He is the Arts & Entertainment Editor of Le Provocateur.

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