Caroline Says: Surviving 2017

Published 5 months ago -


For the past three years, I’ve always started off the New Year by processing the year before. I begin with going back. I do so by sharing my top three most embarrassing moments of the year prior. There has been a lot of tripping, yelling and a whole bunch of awkward. I don’t see why 2018 shouldn’t start off on the same note. So here they are, the three most embarrassing things that I did in 2017.

3. I was with my brother’s girlfriend, Becca, working on Christmas gifts when she asked if she could look something up on my phone. I said sure, thinking, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Imagine the fear that occurred when she turned to me and said, “I don’t want to judge you or anything but-”

Then she showed me my phone, where I had previously looked up (and I quote) “facial expression where someone looks ready for death” and “facial expression when someone looks dead inside.”

I immediately started cackling and my face turned 50 shades of red. It’s not my fault that my quest for the perfect reaction gif leads to some weird google searches. If you don’t know what a gif is, Urban Dictionary defines it as “a word that will cause the next Civil War over how it’s pronounced.” So, yeah, I hope that was helpful. I don’t know why I felt the need to try both when and where separately though. I don’t even remember the conversation that the gif was needed for.

Needless to say, Becca was confused and I, once again, felt ready for death.

2. This one happened at the beginning of the summer, when everything is bright and warm and people are living their best life. Well, I was looking for a job. Because I refused to go back to the infamous amusement park, but I still needed money.

That’s when I found myself in a Starbucks (not even to apply, I just really wanted some iced tea), when I took out my phone.

I was planning on applying to a Dunkin’ Donuts and wanted to double check the exit I needed to take to get there. That’s when I accidentally pressed “go” on the Google maps app and my phone loudly declared “planning route to Dunkin’ Donuts.” And all of the baristas stared at me.

The worst part is I still hadn’t gotten my drink yet, and there was no way I was going to leave without it so I just sat in the embarrassment so I could leave with my passion tango tea (sweetened), but without my dignity.

1. This one isn’t really embarrassing, but it was uncomfortable. However, it’s too good of a story not to have in here.

I was at my local bank and the teller was being friendly: asking how my day was, if I was doing anything for the weekend, etc., etc. That’s when another costumer (who was clearly a regular) decided to declare “Anthony is flirting with one of the customers.”

It was weird and we both just stood there as this guy continued to yell about how the teller was obviously flirting with me. It was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been in my life.

The guy eventually left and I just looked at the teller and felt so compelled to say, “That was really awkward because I’m really gay.”

To which the teller responded, “Oh my God, me too.”

We high-fived and I ended up looking forward to my trips to the bank.

My only wish is that I had spoken up in front of the other customer. The look on his face would’ve definitely been priceless. Still, it was probably one of the only moments when I had actually made a moment less awkward, which needs to go down in history.

Caroline Critelli, a senior, studies English and sociology. She is the Editor-in-Chief of  Le Provocateur.

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