Honest to Blog

"'Honest to Blog' is cancelled this issue due to lack of subject." That text was about this close to solely filling this box because, as of last Friday, I had absolutely no column ideas. Last Friday was the deadline for this issue. After nine issues, and nine "Honest to Blog's," I was officially spent. Nothing really interesting is going on in my life at the moment with the exception of graduation, which is what the senior columnists are all planning on writing about next issue, our last issue, while crying over our keyboards.

So what is there to say now in the meantime? In this limbo period, while I and the rest of the class of 2009 wait for the end of college and the beginning of the rest of our lives.

I think part of my problem in coming up with a topic for this issue is that my column doesn't really have a coherent theme. Every issue, Provoc readers can count on L.C.'s reflections on relationships, Mike's satirical take on college life, Greg's sports run-down and Joe's Editor-in-Chief genius-ness. This column, as Momma Gump would say, is "like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." I have no framework to fall back on.

I meant to have a theme though. Back in August, I decided I wanted to write an entertainment column, which made perfect sense because I am the Feature Editor after all. (And technically the Arts and Entertainment editor, too. I'm just saying.) I thought I'd have plenty to say about the entertainment world every two weeks. How could I not? I am obnoxiously, embarrassingly obsessed with celebrities. In case you missed my first column, I spend my free time watching E! News while on PerezHilton.com.

I called my column "Honest to Blog" firstly, because it's an awesome phrase in Juno (which I happen to be watching with my roommates as I write this - weird huh?), and secondly, because much of celebrity gossip is blogged about now. I figured I would just comment on celebrity culture, throw in a few witty comments and call it another issue.

The plan sort of went awry though. I stuck to the celebrity and the funny for the first few issues, but a weird thing happened: my own life took precedence over whatever was happening in Hollywood - for me at least, not for Ryan Seacrest or anybody else probably, but still. I felt the need to reflect on the things that were happening to me, something I had never really done before. And since this is my column, and I can pretty much write about whatever I want, I wrote about what was on my mind. I shed the written, constructed persona I used for the past few years, and I ended up surprising myself a lot.

The column that was the most difficult to write, and the one I am the most proud of, was the November 25 issue's. I debated over and over again whether or not to write about my father. When I wrote that I didn't normally talk about him, I meant it; some of my best friends didn't know what I wrote for anyone to read. I brought the paper home to let my mother and my brother read it. I watched my mom cry on the page; she told me she never knew that I felt that way. I didn't really either until it was there it was in print.

I finally said everything I had held in so long, and it felt good. Other people responded positively as well. Jeff Azize, one of the filmmakers behind The Human Experience, (the film that got me thinking about my relationship with my father in the first place) even left me a comment online telling me how much he liked the column. Cool.

This year, I learned it was okay to write about the difficult aspects of life; I could be vulnerable without being pitiful. Whatever was on this page, whether it was sad, strange, funny (I hope), it was my life - and it was me.

It's ironic, I called my column "Honest to Blog" because of the phrase's celebrity connotations, but writing it for the past ten issues has really been an exercise in honesty, both with other people and with myself. I guess that really is the theme of my column - honesty. It's a pretty good one, I think.

I want to thank everyone who read this column, once, occasionally or every issue, for taking the time to do so. My last column will probably be a self-indulgent love letter to Assumption College and everyone who has impacted me here. So I want to thank those who I don't know. Thank you for giving me this space to find my voice. I hope in some small way it made you think about your own. I couldn't ask for anything more, honest to blog.