2008 Woodie Awards
Prime's Time
Andy Primeau
Issue date: 9/30/04 Section: Viewpoint
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It seems that a lot of people were upset by my last column in which I (fairly accurately as far as I can tell) described and maybe even poked fun at this year's freshman class. Before I respond to any of this, it should be noted that all of those people happened to be freshmen. Imagine my surprise. I wasn't aware they read anything other than Teen People and Sports Illustrated for Kids. What an egg upon my face.
Now, I grew up with an older brother, so believe me, I know what it's like having somebody older, smarter, and generally better at everything figuratively prey on you. It happens all the time, even in nature. When the mighty lion hunts for food, he weeds out the slow, weak, and obnoxious antelope first. As a result, the rest of the antelope become stronger, faster, and less susceptible to the lion's ignorance-devouring fangs (we get Animal Planet, so I'm pretty sure that's how it works). I mean, when you look at it that way, it makes much more sense, doesn't it?
In short, I'm really just helping you grow stronger and wiser in this new, confusing, and intimidating time in your life. Think of me as an older brother... just never speak to me, make eye contact, or generally approach me under any circumstances.
In any case, because I was a little hard on the freshmen last issue, I decided I'd throw them a bone and do something nice to make up for it, and I promise, this will be the last article I ever write specifically devoted to freshmen (unless you continue to do stupid things, in which case I cannot be held responsible). This may not catch on at first, but stay with me, I think it's a solid idea.
If there was any justice in this world, I would've been raised in California, where, with at least one of my many brilliant ideas, I could have blown the roof off of any number of production companies or movie studios.
My latest idea? A reality show; those seem to be hot nowadays. It's something that I'm sure could dominate any TV timeslot, take over the hearts and minds of the American viewing public, and maybe even make it on FOX, assuming they lower their abnormally high standards of quality for once.
Now, I grew up with an older brother, so believe me, I know what it's like having somebody older, smarter, and generally better at everything figuratively prey on you. It happens all the time, even in nature. When the mighty lion hunts for food, he weeds out the slow, weak, and obnoxious antelope first. As a result, the rest of the antelope become stronger, faster, and less susceptible to the lion's ignorance-devouring fangs (we get Animal Planet, so I'm pretty sure that's how it works). I mean, when you look at it that way, it makes much more sense, doesn't it?
In short, I'm really just helping you grow stronger and wiser in this new, confusing, and intimidating time in your life. Think of me as an older brother... just never speak to me, make eye contact, or generally approach me under any circumstances.
In any case, because I was a little hard on the freshmen last issue, I decided I'd throw them a bone and do something nice to make up for it, and I promise, this will be the last article I ever write specifically devoted to freshmen (unless you continue to do stupid things, in which case I cannot be held responsible). This may not catch on at first, but stay with me, I think it's a solid idea.
If there was any justice in this world, I would've been raised in California, where, with at least one of my many brilliant ideas, I could have blown the roof off of any number of production companies or movie studios.
My latest idea? A reality show; those seem to be hot nowadays. It's something that I'm sure could dominate any TV timeslot, take over the hearts and minds of the American viewing public, and maybe even make it on FOX, assuming they lower their abnormally high standards of quality for once.