2008 Woodie Awards
Collapsed pools, biting brothers, and...Santa the burglar
Amanda Cudmore
Issue date: 12/7/04 Section: Feature of the Week: Holiday Horrors
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When thinking of holiday horrors, so many came to mind that I have trouble picking just one major horror show to tell. So instead, a collection of mini-Cudmore family holiday horrors seems perfect.
The first occurred when I was nine. Now, everyone knows Santa and his reindeer cannot come till everyone is fast asleep. About midnight, I heard the sound every child prays for: a loud thump at the front door. Now, at my house, we are chimney-less, so I had long assumed that Santa took the less magical route into my house, and simply came through the front door. Now, my suspicions were realized. And of course, Santa doesn't come into the house if someone is awake. When I heard my dad coming down the hallway, I sprung from my bed to tell him to get back and pretend to be asleep or Jolly Old St. Nick was surely going to move onto the next house. I met my boxer-clad dad at the top of the stairs, holding an old aluminum softball bat.
I jumped in horror...my dad was going to kill Santa.
He told me to get back to bed, and I cried in protest. He ran down the stairs, and found the rocking chair tipped over against the house, not Santa like I thought, or a burglar in search of our holiday treasure like he had thought.
The next horror that comes to mind is a summertime horror, when I was 10, this one taking place on Memorial Day weekend at our "Pool Building Holiday." Now, I know you're jealous that your family doesn't have its own "Pool Building Holiday," or maybe yours is lazy like mine, and do in fact have one. Anyways, we had purchased one of those old, aluminum, four feet deep above-ground pools, and invited the whole family over to help us set it up. Inside the pool, I stood holding up the side with one hand, peanut butter and jelly in my other hand, while my father went around bolting the sides. At this time, my Uncle Joe, on the outside of the pool, was on a ladder for some reason, the reason why now I don't know, became unbalanced and fell...on top of me. One second I was standing alone, enjoying my PB&J, and the next thing I know, I'm on my back, with the side of the pool separating me from my uncle and the wooden ladder. Once one side went down, the whole pool caved in around me, and an entire afternoon of work was lost. That was the least of my worries as I tried to breathe with a ladder, Uncle Joe, and a pool on top of me. Another fantastic holiday had at the Cudmore house.
The first occurred when I was nine. Now, everyone knows Santa and his reindeer cannot come till everyone is fast asleep. About midnight, I heard the sound every child prays for: a loud thump at the front door. Now, at my house, we are chimney-less, so I had long assumed that Santa took the less magical route into my house, and simply came through the front door. Now, my suspicions were realized. And of course, Santa doesn't come into the house if someone is awake. When I heard my dad coming down the hallway, I sprung from my bed to tell him to get back and pretend to be asleep or Jolly Old St. Nick was surely going to move onto the next house. I met my boxer-clad dad at the top of the stairs, holding an old aluminum softball bat.
I jumped in horror...my dad was going to kill Santa.
He told me to get back to bed, and I cried in protest. He ran down the stairs, and found the rocking chair tipped over against the house, not Santa like I thought, or a burglar in search of our holiday treasure like he had thought.
The next horror that comes to mind is a summertime horror, when I was 10, this one taking place on Memorial Day weekend at our "Pool Building Holiday." Now, I know you're jealous that your family doesn't have its own "Pool Building Holiday," or maybe yours is lazy like mine, and do in fact have one. Anyways, we had purchased one of those old, aluminum, four feet deep above-ground pools, and invited the whole family over to help us set it up. Inside the pool, I stood holding up the side with one hand, peanut butter and jelly in my other hand, while my father went around bolting the sides. At this time, my Uncle Joe, on the outside of the pool, was on a ladder for some reason, the reason why now I don't know, became unbalanced and fell...on top of me. One second I was standing alone, enjoying my PB&J, and the next thing I know, I'm on my back, with the side of the pool separating me from my uncle and the wooden ladder. Once one side went down, the whole pool caved in around me, and an entire afternoon of work was lost. That was the least of my worries as I tried to breathe with a ladder, Uncle Joe, and a pool on top of me. Another fantastic holiday had at the Cudmore house.