2008 Woodie Awards
Prime's Time
Andy Primeau
Issue date: 12/7/04 Section: Viewpoint
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I think I'm suffering a midlife crisis. Seriously, it's pathetic. The other day I was considering dating a freshman, just to make myself feel young again. But of course I had to go and ruin it all with my "standards" and "common sense" and "girlfriend."
No, there's nothing left for me now. I'm old; my time here is all but extinguished. Mere months from now I'll disappear, leaving behind nothing but a distant memory and the initials I've carved into every desk I've ever sat in. You see, I, like every other senior, have climbed to the top of the mountain, seen that it was good, and now must descend it with the grace and speed of a one-legged, cross-eyed mountain goat (Merry Christmas!)
Maybe it's just that: because Christmas is coming. Maybe it's because, as of the end of this month, another year will have passed me by. And maybe watching the OC for last week's column turned me into more of a woman than I'd care to admit. Whatever it is, it's hit me like a sack of doorknobs and got me thinking. What, if anything, have I done with my life? Have I wasted these last 21 years? How would I know?
Luckily, as a child, I prepared a barometer for this very situation. In fourth grade (1992 I believe), a nine-year-old Andy created a list of five things to accomplish before the age of twenty-five, a list I've kept ever since. So, after several phone calls and a court order, I contacted my parents and obtained it in the hopes that it might give me a greater understanding of the importance and value of my own accomplishments. And given that this is the season of wishes and resolutions, here goes nothing.
Life Goal 1: Domesticate a squirrel - Nice. It's good to see that I was thinking on a large scale as a child. I'd be lying though if I said this hasn't been something I've considered a few times in the years since. This was, of course, before I realized the inherent uselessness of the squirrel. Also, recently, I've developed something of a resentment for the animal that I frequently see eating people food. I think it's more the fact that, garbage or not, they seem to be eating better than I am. I can't check this off the list, but it doesn't break my heart. Somehow I can live without a glorified rat. Status: Not Complete.
No, there's nothing left for me now. I'm old; my time here is all but extinguished. Mere months from now I'll disappear, leaving behind nothing but a distant memory and the initials I've carved into every desk I've ever sat in. You see, I, like every other senior, have climbed to the top of the mountain, seen that it was good, and now must descend it with the grace and speed of a one-legged, cross-eyed mountain goat (Merry Christmas!)
Maybe it's just that: because Christmas is coming. Maybe it's because, as of the end of this month, another year will have passed me by. And maybe watching the OC for last week's column turned me into more of a woman than I'd care to admit. Whatever it is, it's hit me like a sack of doorknobs and got me thinking. What, if anything, have I done with my life? Have I wasted these last 21 years? How would I know?
Luckily, as a child, I prepared a barometer for this very situation. In fourth grade (1992 I believe), a nine-year-old Andy created a list of five things to accomplish before the age of twenty-five, a list I've kept ever since. So, after several phone calls and a court order, I contacted my parents and obtained it in the hopes that it might give me a greater understanding of the importance and value of my own accomplishments. And given that this is the season of wishes and resolutions, here goes nothing.
Life Goal 1: Domesticate a squirrel - Nice. It's good to see that I was thinking on a large scale as a child. I'd be lying though if I said this hasn't been something I've considered a few times in the years since. This was, of course, before I realized the inherent uselessness of the squirrel. Also, recently, I've developed something of a resentment for the animal that I frequently see eating people food. I think it's more the fact that, garbage or not, they seem to be eating better than I am. I can't check this off the list, but it doesn't break my heart. Somehow I can live without a glorified rat. Status: Not Complete.