2008 Woodie Awards
Living the nightlife is just one of a celeb's perks
Amanda Cudmore
Issue date: 3/1/05 Section: Feature
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"It's not easy being a celebrity."
Sure, it's a common cliché, but you don't know how hard it really is to be me. In addition to being an Oscar nominated actress, I am a dedicated wife, mother, and spokesperson. Let me take you through a typical day in the life of Sam Malibu, of course that's just a stage name; my real name, Mildred Smith didn't quite work in Hollywood.
4:50 a.m. Louie, my personal chauffer, drops me off at my New York City penthouse, after attending the opening of El Gato, the hottest club in all of downtown Manhattan this week. Anyone who's anyone was there-Ben, Britney, Jen, Lindsay, P. Diddy, and of course, Paris. I have to be getting to bed now, I have to get up early tomorrow.
11:35 a.m. My personal assistant woke me up without a low-fat skimmed milk double shot espresso. I did what any employer would do...I fired her. It's so hard to find good help these days.
12:33 p.m. I'm on my new plane on my way to Los Angeles for a Cosmopolitan photo shoot. I wanted to take off at 12:30, but according to my pilot, there was a wait taxiing on the runway, so I did what any rational person would do; I fired him. Not until we landed, of course. You might think it's a little lavish to have a plane, but in this day and age, everyone needs a plane. If I didn't have one, I would never be able to see my darling twins, Orange and Coconut, and of course, their older sister from my first marriage, Sahara. Some people think it's important bringing your children all around the country with you, but they really don't travel well. I take great care of them; I'm sure to see them once a week, sometimes even twice in the same day, and of course, they have a staff of twelve at our house in Orlando. That way, their nanny can take them to Disney World whenever they want.
3:12 p.m. The photographer just told me I was three hours late. More like he was three hours early. Nobody tells me I'm late, he apparently didn't know who he was talking to. I did what any rational person would do; I fired him. He told me that I don't own Cosmo so I couldn't do that, but I'm Sam Malibu, and nobody tells Sam Malibu she's late.
Sure, it's a common cliché, but you don't know how hard it really is to be me. In addition to being an Oscar nominated actress, I am a dedicated wife, mother, and spokesperson. Let me take you through a typical day in the life of Sam Malibu, of course that's just a stage name; my real name, Mildred Smith didn't quite work in Hollywood.
4:50 a.m. Louie, my personal chauffer, drops me off at my New York City penthouse, after attending the opening of El Gato, the hottest club in all of downtown Manhattan this week. Anyone who's anyone was there-Ben, Britney, Jen, Lindsay, P. Diddy, and of course, Paris. I have to be getting to bed now, I have to get up early tomorrow.
11:35 a.m. My personal assistant woke me up without a low-fat skimmed milk double shot espresso. I did what any employer would do...I fired her. It's so hard to find good help these days.
12:33 p.m. I'm on my new plane on my way to Los Angeles for a Cosmopolitan photo shoot. I wanted to take off at 12:30, but according to my pilot, there was a wait taxiing on the runway, so I did what any rational person would do; I fired him. Not until we landed, of course. You might think it's a little lavish to have a plane, but in this day and age, everyone needs a plane. If I didn't have one, I would never be able to see my darling twins, Orange and Coconut, and of course, their older sister from my first marriage, Sahara. Some people think it's important bringing your children all around the country with you, but they really don't travel well. I take great care of them; I'm sure to see them once a week, sometimes even twice in the same day, and of course, they have a staff of twelve at our house in Orlando. That way, their nanny can take them to Disney World whenever they want.
3:12 p.m. The photographer just told me I was three hours late. More like he was three hours early. Nobody tells me I'm late, he apparently didn't know who he was talking to. I did what any rational person would do; I fired him. He told me that I don't own Cosmo so I couldn't do that, but I'm Sam Malibu, and nobody tells Sam Malibu she's late.