The worst is over

Published 4 years ago -

Lauren Fitzgerald, Arts & Entertainment Editor

Course registration, you have wronged me for the final time. The first reason is because you disabled my account, so I wasn’t able to register until 8:00 a.m. The second reason is because I’m now a senior, and this was my last time waking up earlier than planned to stressfully refresh a computer for a good half hour. I have to accept that I’m just not coming back next year now.

I’m not saying that I’ll miss course registration, because I certainly won’t. Now, though, I don’t have anything planned out for me next year. This is the first time in my life where I don’t have a set schedule ahead of me. I don’t have anymore higher education to pursue, for now at least, and there’s no programs for me to enroll in. Next year is just a blank void.

I don’t know if I should be excited or scared. I have a whole world of possibilities ahead of me. I can go to graduate school, take a gap year, travel, get a job or even write a book. So, why am I terrified?

Maybe it’s the fact that anything could happen. Maybe, I won’t get the job that I want or even a job to start. Maybe I won’t know what I want to do. The fact that I don’t know anything about my future terrifies me.

I’m always envious of some of my friends, because they already have their life set in stone. Some know that they’re going to be teachers. They know that in a few years, they’ll be standing in a classroom. They have already decided whether or not next year will be set aside for graduate school or the real world. Their vision is far less foggy.

Mine is so bad, that I haven’t even bothered to try and look. I have been disregarding the fact that I am graduating soon and sticking with the idea that I will be returning to Assumption next fall. When I graduated high school, I was afraid of what was next. This fear has returned now that I am graduating from college.

I think I need to stop brushing things off. Next year is coming, and I have to accept that instead of ignoring it out of fear. I also have to begin letting go, because life isn’t a giant planner.

Life isn’t a course registration. We don’t sign up for what comes, and we certainly don’t have a set schedule in front of us. Growing up in a school system my whole life makes this truth far more difficult for me, because for once I have to work with what comes.

This is a part of growing. We fluctuate with the world around us and become a part of it. We have to move on so that we can create our own little lives that serve our purpose, because we don’t have any purpose if we remain here. I will go nowhere if I remain still.

It’s not going to be easy to move on and start fresh. There will be disappointments. I’m not going to nail every job, I’m not going to see my friends as much and I’m going to be working harder. Instead of waking up at an early hour for course registration, I’ll be waking up at an early hour for my job every day. If I play my cards right, I won’t mind it. Working somewhere everyday where I could do something that I love is worth every hour of lost sleep. When I find that path, I’ll almost forget that I once wanted to stay in Assumption College forever. Almost.

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